Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Freedom to Love


Painting by Norman Rockwell taken from Arts Experts Inc
I would like to begin by telling you the story of a young girl. I first met her when I was still very young but did not actually get to know her very well until fairly recently. For the sake of anonymity I will refer to her as Marion. 

Marion was born into a loving and holy family in the Midwest. God showered her with many blessings from the very beginning. He gave her a quirky sense of humor, a rich enthusiasm and an aptitude for learning. Most importantly, God provided that Marion would be formed in the faith from an early age. Marion was far from perfect though: not only did she have a nasty temper as she grew up, but she also suffered from pride and a lack of self-discipline. In high school, God blessed her once more by allowing that she develop friends not based on popularity but on true friendship. In these friends she began to see something that she was lacking, but she was not able to identify it until many years later. You see, Marion ought to have been the most carefree girl around being blessed in so many ways. Slowly -through God’s grace-Marion began to discover what plagued her: her love was tainted. That is, her relationships were not “pure” because she only was good to those she felt like being good to. Beginning to understand the problem was one thing, but for Marion doing something about it was something else. She seemed fixated on increasing her self discipline in order to discipline herself in her relationships, but to no avail. But then one day, something changed.

And that something is what I am about to relate to you. It all began when Marion heard a quote from the Dialogues of St. Catherine of Siena. (Christ is the speaker).
"I would have you know that every virtue of yours and every vice is put into action by means of your neighbor. Love of me and love of neighbor are one and the same thing. The more the soul loves me, the more the soul loves the neighbor. I've distributed my goods to everyone in such a way that no one has them all. Thus, I've given you reason to practice mutual charity. I could well have supplied each one of you with everything that you need, but I've wanted to make you dependent on one another so that each of you would be my minister, dispensing to one another what you need by means of charity... I ask you to love me with the same love with which I love you, but you can't do it because I loved you without being loved first. You don't love me freely but out of duty. I love you freely. This is why I've put you among your neighbors, so that you can do for them what you cannot do for me: loving them without being loved first, without being loved in return, without any concern or profit to yourself."
It became clear that if she was to love God purely, Marion must purify her charity. This was much easier said than done and her minute progress was very discouraging.

Mary of Sorrows
The most holy rosary.com
Some weeks later, Marion attended Mass honoring Our Lady of Sorrows. In his homily, the priest spoke of how it was through Our Lady of Sorrows that he quit smoking and encouraged everyone to put their struggles in her hands. That day, Marion put her whole life and her discouragement in Our Lady’s hands and asked her to “take care of this mess, please.”

 It is hard to imagine the change in Marion’s--or rather--my life. You see, Marion never really existed. It is my life that has been blessed and which Our Blessed Lady has taken under her mantle.  

Now I can see that I must give myself to others in imitation of Christ's gift of his life on the cross. Sometimes it is much easier than others, but I have found that there is a profound joy and peace that accompanies that gift--whether it be a job volunteered for or simply a smile and a kind word. Ironically, the self-discipline that I've been working on for years is so much easier now that I have begun to learn charity. 

For nearly my entire life, I have been caught up with anxiety about what God wants me to do with my life. And only recently have I begun to understand in a tangible way the quote from the Second Vatican Council: "man...cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself." -Gaudium et Spes

I don't have to worry about my future. By giving of myself to others out of love for God, I can discover that unique purpose and vocation for which God has made me.

A priest once asked, "Have you ever wondered whether God wants to comfort/help/etc. someone through you? After all, the Church is the Mystical Body of Christ--maybe he wants to act through you?" (paraphrase)

What a beautiful gift it is to be able to serve God through giving of ourselves to others! While it may not be easy at all times, how incredible it is that God can use us to reach everyone around us. 

I have certainly not mastered charity, but with the help of Our Lady and God's grace, I hope that Christ's words may be applied to me as well:  By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (Jn 13:35) 

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